Desi In Toronto

April 30, 2008

Hilarious!!

Filed under: Something I Found Funny — agsharma @ 10:47 am

While searching for a job here is what I found. This has got to be a prank of some kind (I have underlined the parts that require re-reading) :

Our client is an industry leader in the field of marketing and advertising for digital entertainment. More importantly, they have a kick ass army of software developers and user experience ninjas working on products ranging from websites to games to ecommerce. They have been around for years in Vancouver, and now have a sister office in downtown Toronto – 85 people and growing!

What You Will Be Doing…

    • Review requirements and designs

    • Develop and execute comprehensive test cases

    • Report on test lifecycle progress

    • Log finely-crafted bug reports that hum with graceful attention to detail

    • Alert team to emerging issues and concerns

The Ideal Candidate…

    • Bachelors degree in either Computer Science or related Engineering discipline

    • 1+ years experience in software QA

    • 2+ years Jedi training

    • Solid understanding of the software development lifecycle

    • Spectacular communication and interpersonal skills

This position is ideal for someone looking to contribute energy, technical know-how and responsibility to a high-speed development environment.

Ability to gracefully ride a clown bike while playing a trombone, chewing bubblegum, and reciting classic stand-up routines is a Definite Bonus.

I think I am going to apply for this job, just for kicks!!

April 29, 2008

From The Files

Filed under: Something I Found Funny — agsharma @ 7:15 pm

……here is a picture I took in New York. Each time I look at it, I laugh….

Solve Your Problems

April 27, 2008

Oh Dear God!!

Filed under: Religious Nonsence, Society, The Real India — agsharma @ 7:53 pm

<Link>

How is it possible for a country that offers this :-

New Delhi - India’s satellite launch vehicle PSLV-C9 is set to launch 10 satellites in one go on Monday, officials said.


The PSLV-C9 is scheduled to put in orbit the Cartosat-2A remote sensing satellite along with an Indian mini-satellite and eight foreign nano satellites, S Satish, spokesman for the Indian Space Research Organization (ISRO), said.


“The 230-tonne rocket (PSLV-C9) will carry a luggage of 824 kilograms,” he said. Cartosat-2A weighs about 690 kilograms an carries a panchromatic camera that can record high-clarity images covering a swathe of 9.6 kilometres.

…..have people that believe in dumb sh*t like this?

Religious traditions are diverse and sometimes as bizarre as they can get. A village in Solapur, Maharashtra, has a dangerous tradition of throwing newborns from a height of 50 feet onto a sheet, which is held by devotees.

The infants are thrown off the roof of the Baba Sheikh Umar Saheb Dargah in Musti village in Solapur. This is an age-old tradition practiced by couples who are blessed with a child after taking a vow at the dargah. The devotees also believe that this ritual is good for the health of the child.

….and here is the kicker…..

Both Muslim and Hindu families take part in this ritual, however the state administration chooses not to interfere and provides heavy police security during the ritual every year.

So, terrified children are deemed not to need protection but people who throw children from 50 feet do? Sometimes, I am glad I am not raising my daughter in India.

April 24, 2008

Radiohead

Filed under: Music — agsharma @ 7:39 pm

….aaaaaah, brilliant!!

Now if only they did not charge $200 for each ticket!!! They are coming to Toronto and I cannot go and see them cause the tickets are quite expensive. Do you know what the front row is paying? $1100!! And I am pretty sure the show will be sold out.

Song Of The Day!!!

Filed under: Music — agsharma @ 6:07 pm

One Of The Best Interpretations

Filed under: Something I Found Funny — agsharma @ 4:55 pm

……….of Smoke On The Water…..

Holy Cow!!

Filed under: Something I Found Funny — agsharma @ 4:32 pm

<Link>

Human beings may have had a brush with extinction 70,000 years ago, an extensive genetic study suggests.

The human population at that time was reduced to small isolated groups in Africa, apparently because of drought, according to an analysis released Thursday.

The report notes that a separate study by researchers at Stanford University estimated that the number of early humans may have shrunk as low as 2,000 before numbers began to expand again in the early Stone Age.

2000 people!! This means that I and Hitler may be related. Or worse, I may be related to this guy :

April 22, 2008

The “Glorious” Indian Main Stream Media

Filed under: Indian Mainstream Media, Moronic Mainstream, Society — agsharma @ 11:20 pm

I wonder how the western media would have handled a story of a young officer who laid down his/her life while trying to capture a dreaded and wanted terrorist? I think they would have extolled, over and over again, the bravery and courage that it took to face one’s adversary, eliminate the enemy and die in the process, all in the name of serving the country. And what does the esteemed “Up-To-Date” Indian media does?

On Tuesday (Nov 28th ‘06) news swept across all the news channels ‘Sanjay Datt relieved by the court’. ‘Sirf Munna Not a bhai’ ‘13 saal ka vanvaas khatam’ ‘alhough found guilty for possession of armory, Sanjay can breathe a sigh of relief as all the TADA charges against him are withdrawn’.

In another news: Parliament was mad at Indian team for performing badly; Greg chapel said something …..; Bomb scare in Gorakhpoor express; and Shah Rukh Khan replaces Big B in KBC and Sonia asked PM to consider reducing petroleum prices (I wonder who’s the PM …anyways that is not the topic so leave it…) But most of the emphasis was given on Sanjay Datt’s “phoenix like” comeback from the ashes of terrorist charges.

Surfing through the channels, one news on BBC startled me, it read, Hisbul Mujahidin’s Most wanted terrorist ‘Sohel Faisal’ killed in Anantnag, India. Indian Major leading the operation lost his life in the process. Four others are injured.

Major Manish H Pitambare got the information from his sources about the terrorists’ whereabouts. Wasting no time he attacked the camp killed the Hisbul Mujahidin’s supremo and in the process lost his life….. To the bullets fired from an AK47…… He has a wife and a daughter (just like Sanjubaba), age …8 months.

Major Manish never said ‘I have a daughter’ …before he took the decision to attack the terrorist hide out on the darkest of nights? He never thought about having a family and he being the sole bread earner.

No news channel covered this since they were too busy hyping a former drug addict, an actor in real and reel life, a suspect who’s linked to bomb blasts which killed hundreds. Their aim was to show how he defied the TADA charges and they were so successful that his conviction in possession of armory had no meaning. They also concluded that his parents in heaven must be happy and proud of him……

Parents of Major Pitambare are still on this earth and they have to live rest of their lives without their beloved son. His daughter won’t ever see her papa again.

Definition of a Star has changed Major… it really has. So Sanjubaba always has a gun in every one of his movies then in real life if he has an AK47 then what’s the big deal we are used to see him with some ammunition without it he’s just a 49 year old hero so he did it for us…..so that we feel normal; Even if one of the bullets from one of such AK47’s took a Real Star’s life…….

Pitiful. Why are the real heroes relegated to the sidelines and the phony ones always put on pedestal.

Such Rich History

Filed under: Something I Found Funny — agsharma @ 10:44 pm

The one of the best tools that I have in my tool cabinet is the duct tape. It helped me secure the mesh on the dryer, it helped me secure the cables on the back on my `home theater` and just today it helped me secure my crumbling rake.

I had no idea that the duct tape has been used to save a mission on the moon!! Check this out……..

The date was Dec. 11, 1972. Astronauts Gene Cernan and Jack Schmitt had just landed their lunar module Challenger in a beautiful mountain-ringed valley named Taurus-Littrow on the edge of the Sea of Serenity. Mission planners chose the site for its geological variety:

………………………….

Within hours the two astronauts were down the ladder loading a raft of geology tools and experiments onto their Lunar Roving Vehicle or “moonbuggy.” Everything was going smoothly until Cernan brushed against the rover; a hammer in the shin pocket of his spacesuit caught the buggy’s right rear fender and tore half of it off.

Cernan: “Oh, you won’t believe it. There goes a fender.”

Schmitt: “Oh, shoot!”

Now, a moonbuggy in Alabama can go just fine without a fender, but in Taurus-Littrow a missing fender was a potential disaster. The reason is moondust. When a rover rolls across the lunar surface, it kicks up a plume of moondust in its wake. (Astronauts called them “rooster tails.”) Without a fender, the rover would be showered by a spray of dark, abrasive grit. White spacesuits blackened by dust could turn into dangerous absorbers of the fierce lunar sun with astronauts overheating inside. Sharp-edged dust wiped off visors would scratch the glass, making helmets difficult to see out of. Moondust also had an uncanny way of working itself into hinges, latches and joints, rendering them useless.

………………….

Cernan: “And I hate to say it, but I’m going to have to take some time to try … to get that fender back on. Jack, is the tape under my seat, do you remember?” (He’s referring to a roll of ordinary, gray duct tape.)

Schmitt: “Yes.”

Cernan: “Okay. I can’t say I’m very adept at putting fenders back on. But I sure don’t want to start without it. I’m just going to put a couple of pieces of good old-fashioned American gray tape on it…(and) see whether we can’t make sure it stays.”

In spite of his thick gloves, Cernan managed to unroll and tear off the needed pieces, but moondust foiled his first repair:

Cernan: “…good old-fashioned gray tape doesn’t want to stick very well.” (At a post flight briefing he explained: “Because there was dust on everything, once you got a piece of tape off the roll, the first thing the tape stuck to was dust; and then it didn’t stick to anything else.”)

His second attempt succeeded, however. “I am done!” crowed Cernan. “If that fender stays on … I’d like some sort of mending award.” And with that, they were off.

…………………….

When next-generation astronauts go to the Moon, they’ll know a lot more about moondust than their Apollo predecessors. But you can bet there’s one thing they won’t leave home without—”good old-fashioned American gray tape.”

April 21, 2008

One Of The Best Monty Python Skit

Filed under: Something I Found Funny — agsharma @ 11:11 pm

Am Back!!

Filed under: About Me — agsharma @ 11:03 pm

Sorry about the lack of posts……early last week I lost my job. I was kind of expecting it but more so after a few months than just before summer. Oh well, it happens. I am now actively looking for a job so if anyone has a need for an AS/400 programmer, call me.

Regular posting will commence from today. On that note, check out this song by Spoon.

Update : OMG!!! This is totally me in the last 2 months!!!

April 13, 2008

Top Ten Can-Indians Issues

Filed under: About Me, Satire, Social Studies — agsharma @ 10:14 pm

Ever since I became an Indian born  Canadian the following are some of the issues I have had to deal with…..

1) Festivals that I used to take for granted in India are now obscure concepts (Diwali, Holi, Dushera etc.)

2) Having deep conversations with my 4 year old on why she is brown and not white.

3) Having to sit through parties and listen to recently returned Can-Indians praise on and on about the growth in India and then be told by the same people on a one to one basis on how much India actually sucks (electricity disruptions, water disruptions, corruption etc.)

4) Having to see my child give me a quizzical look when she is speaking to her grandparents in India.

5) Having to hear a pathetic drugged white pan handler give me a scolding on how I am taking his job away and how I have to shut up because that person just may have a weapon on him.

6) Having to deal with only 3 weeks holiday instead of 5 weeks.

7) Having to explain to visitors to Canada why Tim Horton’s coffee, for it’s price, is the best in the world.

8 ) Having to shovel snow.

9) Having to go to a job where I know I can do much more for the company than my boss ever can. But since I really don’t have requisite “Canadian experience”, I have to take what I can.

10) Having to explain to jerks over and over again to why Cricket is an exciting sport with lots of action in it. Of course, right after such a conversation, the jerks go into a detailed analysis of the latest golf tournament!! Go figure.

April 12, 2008

Confused!!

Filed under: About Me, Music, Society — agsharma @ 10:34 pm

Just finished watching Metal : A Headbanger’s Journey.

The documentary ended up confusing me to bits. The confusion is what kind of music do I like? I mean I am likely to nod my head listening through my headphones to the song Raining Blood from Slayer and to the song Sound Of Silence from Simon and Garfunkel.

I hum to the music of Kishor Kumar and to the music of My Bloody Valentine.

I tap my foot to the music of Mohammad Rafi & Lata Mangeshkar and to the music Sonic Youth.

So having watched the documentary on Metal and how there are people out there who are totally hooked on to one genre of music and how they are totally able to immerse themselves completely in that genre while ignoring the rest of the music styles, is a complete mystery to me. I am sure there are millions like me out there……just not here in Mississauga, Ontario.

Wow!!

Filed under: Society — agsharma @ 3:55 pm

Now, this is a social experiment!!

Is It Necessary?

Filed under: Ideas, Safety, Satire, Society — agsharma @ 2:30 pm

<Link>

Dear Prime Minister:

We, the undersigned, urge the parliament of Canada to take immediate action to ban handguns in Canada.

Handguns are intended for one purpose and that is to kill people. Their presence in Canada has resulted in the deaths of far too many people and have no place in our country.

It is time to ban the private ownership of handguns.

This is being pushed quite hard here. Have you seen the youtube clip?

I have no clue how this is going to help? All I know is that owning a handgun in a city is stupid, stupid, stupid.

And please don’t give me any statistics on murders against gun ownership. If you do, then I think I will look into ownership of keeping a 30 foot anaconda in my house. I mean, how many people in Toronto have actual died from an anaconda attack, right?

So, sign away people!!

April 11, 2008

Best …..And……Worst

Filed under: Around The House — agsharma @ 8:04 pm

The best sound in the world…..when Rhea is laughing

The worst…..when she cries.

The absolute  worse…..when she does both in the same minute!!

Small Fish

Filed under: Bush Administration — agsharma @ 11:26 am

<Link>

The Bush administration lawyer who provided a legal basis for the brutal interrogation tactics used by the US military and CIA was called to account today by congressional Democrats.

John Yoo, now a law professor at the University of California, was asked to appear before the judiciary committee in the House of Representatives on May 6 to discuss the legal grounds for the harsh treatment of al-Qaida suspects.

Yoo left the office of legal counsel, where he gave legal advice to the Bush administration, in 2003. Earlier that year, he drafted an 81-page memo giving the Pentagon extensive leeway to harm detainees during interrogations without fear of legal consequences.

That memo, which the administration later revoked, was made public for the first time last week and caused a stir among liberals in Congress.

In one section, for example, Yoo said US interrogators could maim detainees without fear of prosecution, depending on the body part that was injured and whether intent to harm existed.

“Just because the statute says — that doesn’t mean you have to do it,” Yoo told Esquire last week. “You’re right, there’s still the moral question — after you’ve answered the legal question — whether you should do it at all.”

What I don’t understand is, why go after the person who gave a legal premise to torture? Why not go after the administration that implemented the legal argument into a law?

April 9, 2008

Waiting

Filed under: Society — agsharma @ 7:54 pm

<Link>

Islam has surpassed Roman Catholicism as the world’s largest religion, the Vatican newspaper said Sunday.

“For the first time in history, we are no longer at the top: Muslims have overtaken us,” Monsignor Vittorio Formenti said in an interview with the Vatican newspaper L’Osservatore Romano. Formenti compiles the Vatican’s yearbook.

He said that Catholics accounted for 17.4 percent of the world population — a stable percentage — while Muslims were at 19.2 percent.

“It is true that while Muslim families, as is well known, continue to make a lot of children, Christian ones on the contrary tend to have fewer and fewer,” the monsignor said.

Formenti said that the data refer to 2006. The figures on Muslims were put together by Muslim countries and then provided to the United Nations, he said, adding that the Vatican could only vouch for its own data.

The condescending bastard. “Muslim families make a lot of children”…..I think he just pulled that shit out of the hat. I don’t think devout Christians in Africa really practice safe sex. And not to miss is him “vouching” for the data from the Vatican. He really, really wants you to believe that there is no corruption of any sort in the Vatican because it is a holier than Islam or, rather, Christianity is morally better than Islam.

What a crock of BS.

Personally, I am waiting for the day when non-believers out number the believers. Now that’s something to look forward to!!

April 7, 2008

This IS Why I Love Bass Guitar……

Filed under: Something I Found Funny — agsharma @ 8:39 pm

Movie Of The Day

Filed under: Movies — agsharma @ 7:25 pm

……is The Boys From County Clare.

A delightful comedy. Although the director did try to put in some “sad” bits which I thought were not that necessary. The comedy was excellent, though. The movie had me in splits half the time.

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